


i carry your heart

by cavaleira



Category: Marvel (Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Thor: The Dark World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-25
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-27 13:43:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cavaleira/pseuds/cavaleira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a quiet moment before the war, Thor finds a gift Loki gave him ages ago pressed between the pages of an old book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i carry your heart

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [I carry your heart：未泯初心](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3880615) by [Maryandmathew](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maryandmathew/pseuds/Maryandmathew)



> Inspired by [this post](http://ohdinson.tumblr.com/post/52515678497/padapeen-this-is-an-important-post) that I've seen floating around on tumblr.

Thor's feet scuffed against the ground as he paced back and forth across his bedroom. He felt utterly drained, all weary bones and heavy heart as he thought of the difficulties he would face in the days to come. He was already dressed and ready, with Mjölnir secured to his belt and his cloak warm around his shoulders. Truly there was no reason to linger in his chambers any longer, and Thor knew he was just stalling.

Because all of the realms were in danger and now Thor had the unenviable task of asking Loki for help.

Thor sighed, knowing that it would be a bittersweet reunion at best. He would be confronted with both the joy of seeing Loki and the sorrow of seeing what Loki had become. 

When Thor turned on his heel to pace in the opposite direction, his shoulder bumped into his bookshelf hard. The force accidentally knocked an old, leather-bound book from the shelf, landing on the ground with a hard thud. Thor picked it up, a half-smile on his lips as he flipped through the pages. It was a book filled with stories of famous battles, a gift from Loki during one of his moderately successful attempts to get Thor to read more often. 

Thor hadn't looked at it in years, but he found he quite enjoyed seeing it again, with its beautiful drawings of mythical beats and warriors in full regalia interspersed within the text. He was about to shut the book and put it away when something fell out and fluttered to the ground.

Surprise turned into painful remembrance as he reached down to pick up the lock of dark hair, tied with simple black ribbon. His chest felt tight as he ran his thumb over the silken strands, wondering at how something so small could bear so much meaning.

It had started off as something a joke. When they were younger and had just become lovers, Thor and Loki passed many a lazy afternoon in bed exploring each other's bodies. On one such occasion they lay sated side by side, kissing each other lazily while Thor ran his fingers through Loki's hair. Thor had always loved Loki's hair: soft, thick, and black as the midnight hours his brother so favored.

"You should give me a lock of your hair to keep. Isn't that what sweethearts do?" Thor asked Loki. And while his tone was teasing, there was a more serious undercurrent to it.

This side of their relationship was one of secrets and stolen moments. It was locked doors, clever excuses, and love bites hidden by magic. Foolish as it was, Thor longed for something tangible. He wanted a part of Loki that he could keep with him, that he could hold in his hand as evidence of all that they were to each other.

Loki only rolled his eyes. "We're not sweethearts, Thor."

"Aren't we?" Thor said, his voice coming out far more earnest than he had intended. 

Their eyes met and silence descended, thick and heavy with the weight of words unspoken. 

Finally, Loki had laughed and swatted Thor on the head. "Stop with your nonsense," he said right before pulling Thor in to a kiss.

Thor forgot about the whole conversation until a couple weeks later when he came by Loki's room to fetch him for dinner. Thor remembered standing by the door impatiently as he waited for Loki to put on his shoes. 

"Wait," Loki said after he'd finished getting ready and Thor was already heading out the door. Thor turned around, watching as Loki pulled something from his nightstand drawer.

"Here," Loki said, handing the item to Thor with a nonchalance that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Thor's brow furrowed and he made a puzzled sound as he stared down at Loki's gift. "A lock of your hair?"

Loki's cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. " _You're_ the one who asked for it. Never mind then," he said, reaching forward to snatch it away. "I'll just-"

"No!" Thor said, clutching it to his chest and out of Loki's grasp. "No, I was just surprised. But thank you, Loki." Thor looked into Loki's eyes, hoping his sincerity would shine through.

Loki shrugged and looked away. "Fine. Do what you will."

Loki turned to go but Thor stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder. He couldn't just let the conversation end so easily, not until he could find some way to make Loki understand. He cupped Loki's face in his hand, pulling him close and kissing him tenderly. When he broke away, he kept his grip on Loki's chin, forcing Loki to meet his eyes.

"Loki... I meant what I said. Thank you, brother. I will treasure it always."

He stroked Loki's cheek, his skin so soft under the rough pad of Thor's thumb. Something inside Loki seemed to break as he closed his eyes and melted into the touch, his long eyelashes a shock of black against his pale skin. 

Thor himself could scarcely breathe, frozen in that simple, precious moment. He was struck by the depth of his love for Loki, deeper than even Urðr's well itself. And he understood then that he would do anything to see such an open expression on Loki's face. He would stop at nothing to scale the walls Loki built around his heart and make his home there.

Thor had carefully tucked the lock of hair in his pocket then as they went off to dinner. That evening, he'd placed it between the pages of the book for safe-keeping. And now here he was, discovering it again after whole centuries had gone by.

Before Thor could even think about what he was doing, he found himself standing in front of the full-length mirror by his wardrobe, staring at his reflection as he slipped the lock of hair from its ribbon and began braiding it in with his own. Thor stared at his handiwork when he was done. It was just a simple braid; light woven in with dark, entwined and yet separate and distinct.

Thor's reflection wavered as his eyes burned, prickling with unshed tears. The sheer pain of it engulfed him then, the acute sense of loss that he didn't think would ever heal. He felt like he was unraveling; frayed, raw, and _useless_ because for all of his power, he would forever be unable to change the past.

"Brother," Thor said in a hoarse whisper, as if it were an incantation that could somehow bring him his Loki back. His heart yearned for a return to better times, when their love for each other was not marred with resentment and hatred. Though Thor had no idea if such a thing was even possible, he knew that he would never give up hope, no matter how fruitless it seemed. He simply didn't know how.

Thor closed his eyes and took one long, shaky breath as he tucked the braid behind his ear. He opened his eyes and stared at his reflection until the harsh lines of grief smoothed over and his cloudy eyes became clear and resolute. Thor steeled himself and left the room with purposeful strides as he made his way toward the dungeons. 

There was no time for Thor to wallow in his own pain, not with so much riding on his shoulders. Asgard didn't need a man consumed with heartbreak. It needed a hero and Thor would rise to the occasion, no matter how high the cost. Thor did not know how Loki would react to his request. He wished that the circumstances were different, and that he could still trust his brother to counsel and support him in his time of need.

And though the uncertainty of it all pained him, Thor felt a small sense of comfort as he ran his fingers over the braid again. Whether it be the vambraces etched with Loki's helm that he once wore or the lock of Loki's hair now woven in with his own, Thor would always find some way to carry part of Loki with him. He told himself that it would just have to be enough.

But unlike Loki, Thor had never been a good liar.


End file.
